Scream
by darken-the-legends
Summary: "I think he'll always be there just enough to be screaming on the inside." So scream, because no one will hear you- the pain is buried in the iron walls of your dissolving sanity and this ravenous beast they call madness. Very angsty. One shot. Once again, bring tissues :) Newt-centric.


**Hi!**

 **I am wondering what went through my head to possess me to write this. I can only conclude I am extremely depressed.**

It's like he's drugged, like he went under the Bliss, but didn't quite take enough, and now he's aware of what's happening, but unable to control himself, struggling with this beast of madness until its chokehold slips and he sees the world again.

But with the state it's in, he's not sure he wants to see the world again.

In the end he gives up, and lets the beast do what it wants, because with every second he struggles and fights, he races ever closer to his final madness and his final death.

He remains alive, but it's nowhere near living – more like an asylum in Purgatory where he is the only person left, and the beast is his only jailer. Its claws sink into his brain, time and time again, with a terrifying, vice-like grip, washing his vision crimson as it devours his sanity and revels in the torturous memories that are all he has left.

The Maze is the only place where he has anything happy left, he thinks wryly, and then forgets why that would be strange at all… the Maze… he can't remember where that… no. Some one important had died there. And he'd tried to kill himself. Pity he hadn't succeeded, really, because now he's in a permanent state of torture with no way of saving himself. But then…

Why should he want to stay in a world that took from him every little thing he had?

But he can't see the weapon to commit the act, and he is trapped, trapped with the failing remnants of his sanity and counting the small hours he has left.

All because Thomas didn't read the freaking note. Or he was too… much of a coward… to do that one thing.

Newt's face contorts in rage, spit flying from his mouth. He stares around him with wild eyes and realises he is standing in the middle of a dusty road in Denver, the yells and raucous laughter of the other Cranks echoing far behind him.

Someone is standing about ten feet away from him - someone Newt recognises… his eyes focus hazily, and he realises who it is.

Thomas. The friend who betrayed him.

"Hey, Newt. It's me, Thomas. You still remember me, right?"

Waves of rage clouded Newt's mind, the beast seething with anger, controlling him once more.

Newt's vaguely aware he's saying something… he remembers him, of course he does, he's not completely crazy yet… Thomas is asking why he's here; he's in control again; he replies that he doesn't know, that he can't control himself all the time…

"You seem fine now." Thomas replied, but it seems like a taunt somehow, and Newt has to hold himself still.

"Yeah, well," he says bitterly. "The only reason I'm with these wackos from the Palace is because I don't know what else to do. They're fighting, but they're also a group. You find yourself alone, you don't have a bloody chance."

 _Because the madness takes over,_ he thinks. _And then you find yourself falling past any hope of being really alive again._

Thomas is asking him to come with him… saying he can take him somewhere safe… Newt isn't completely hopeless. He knows how to survive, he knows he's dying, he knows that he doesn't want his bloody friends to see it happen, and Thomas is just faking being under the pretence that any good could ever come of this…

"Just shut up, you shuck traitor!" he yells forcefully. "Didn't you read my note? You can't do one last, lousy thing for me? I hate you! I always hated you!"

He's saying other things, and Thomas is protesting, but he can't see him anymore – his face is rippled and distorted beyond recognition and it's him that's done this, him that's done this to Newt…

He's vaguely aware he's screaming… but he's been screaming inside for far too long, and he can't hear himself anymore… the smell of ozone fills the air and he realises someone is shooting at him from a Launcher, and that makes it even worse…

"I should rip your eyes out. Teach you a lesson in stupidity." He's half-aware he's still shouting at Thomas, but really, the beast has taken over and can no longer see anything…

"You wanna know why I have this limp, Tommy?" The name itself is vile, laden with bitterness. "Did I ever tell you? No, I don't think I did…"

"I tried to kill myself In the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade right before the Doors closed."

As he speaks, the old hatred he felt wells up in him, amplified by the Flare and the beast he can no longer separate from himself… "I hated the place, Tommy. Hated every second of every day. And it was all… your… fault!"

There's a gun in his old friend's hands – Newt grabs it and puts it to his own head, not even caring anymore, just wanting this whole thing to end. This whole, horrible freakish sideshow that some people were deluded into thinking was life.

"Kill me!" he screams, but that's when something finally changes.

He's heard of people seeing their life flash before their eyes just before they die, but with him it's different – it's as if he's earned one last, brief reprieve from this hell – one last moment of sanity.

Thomas is staring at him with pain-filled eyes, and Newt's seeing his friend now, not a monster, and he knows what he has to do, because it's the only way he can set things right – for himself. Because after all he's been through, he has the right to be a little selfish.

"Please, Tommy," he whispers, with a shaky grimace. "Please."

Death, he decides, isn't the absence of life.

It's the absence of the screaming.

 **Please review! :)**

 **~thaliatheawesome**


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